4 "Parenting Rules" to Break If You Want to Raise Emotionally Secure Kids
There’s no shortage of parenting “rules” floating around. But here’s the truth: Not all rules deserve to stick around. Especially the ones that stifle connection, emotional safety, or your child’s ability to grow into a secure, self-aware human.
If you’ve ever felt your gut say, “this doesn’t feel right,” when trying to follow the so-called “right” way to parent, this post is for you.
I know I’ve experienced those feelings a few times when I first became a parent. Yelling at and "popping" my toddler (lightly tapping the butt or hand) when she did something she shouldn't have was expected from others because that’s how I was raised. I knew that these reactions didn't feel right and they didn't represent the type of mother and disciplinarian I wanted to be, but whenever I was around a family they'd say, "she needs to be popped so she'll learn not to do it anymore" or "If she doesn't fear you now, she never will". It was hard for me. I felt a lot of shame. Not only because I was trying to live up to the expectations of others, but because I knew I wasn't showing up as the mom I wanted to be and who my toddler needed.
So, in this post I want to set you free from the traditional parenting rules that you may still follow, but deep down you don't really want to.
4 common parenting rules it’s okay, in fact, powerful to break:
1. “You don’t need to explain yourself.”
Here’s the thing: toddlers are in a season of major brain development. The world is brand new to them. They need context. Explaining the why behind a boundary or decision helps them understand how life works and it helps them feel safe with you as the leader.
Saying “Because I said so” might feel easy and efficient in the moment, but over time, it teaches them that their curiosity and desire to understand isn't valued.
2. “Don’t let your child get upset.”
If you were raised in a home where tears were silenced, anger was punished, or you were told to “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about,” you already know: Repressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It just teaches us to hide them and carry them into adulthood.
Allowing your child to feel and express their emotions (even the loud, uncomfortable ones) is not permissiveness. It’s emotional mentorship. It says, “I can handle all of you. Your big feelings are safe with me.”
3. “Children should be seen and not heard.”
We need to be honest and accept that toddlers are loud. They are messy. They test boundaries and lose their shoes and ask so many questions. That’s not bad behavior, that’s development.
While it is our job to help them learn respect and awareness of others, expecting a toddler to sit quietly for three hours on a flight or whisper through a two hour dinner is not only unrealistic, its unfair.
4. “Your child always comes first.”
Of course we love our children, but martyrdom isn’t sustainable and it certainly isn’t modeling healthy boundaries.
When you’re exhausted or overstimulated, giving in to your child from that place isn’t love. It’s depletion. Your child needs a present mom, but when you're running on fumes you don't have the capacity to be present. So take the break. Eat the snack. Step outside and breathe.
When you prioritize your needs, you’re doing one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent: showing your child what self-respect, self-regulation, and self-love look like.
Ready to begin parenting from a place of calm, clarity, and confidence?
If you’re tired of feeling triggered, reactive, or guilt-ridden because you're following old rules that don't align with your values, you’re not alone. And the good news is, you don’t have to figure it out solo.
Inside the Parenting with Peace training, you’ll learn how to:
✔️Identify and address your parenting triggers,
✔️Hold boundaries with love (and without the yelling)
✔️Shift from reacting to calmly responding to challenging behaviors
It’s not about being a “perfect parent.”
It’s about becoming a safe, steady one.
Grab the free training Here
