4 "Parenting Rules" to Break If You Want to Raise Emotionally Secure Kids

There’s no shortage of parenting “rules” floating around. But here’s the truth: Not all rules deserve to stick around. Especially the ones that stifle connection, emotional safety, or your child’s ability to grow into a secure, self-aware human.
If you’ve ever felt your gut say, “this doesn’t feel right,” when trying to follow the so-called “right” way to parent, this post is for you.

I know I’ve experienced those feelings a few times when I first became a parent. Yelling at and "popping" my toddler (lightly tapping the butt or hand) when she did something she shouldn't have was expected from others because that’s how I was raised. I knew that these reactions didn't feel right and they didn't represent the type of mother and disciplinarian I wanted to be, but whenever I was around a family they'd say, "she needs to be popped so she'll learn not to do it anymore" or "If she doesn't fear you now, she never will". It was hard for me. I felt a lot of shame. Not only because I was trying to live up to the expectations of others, but because I knew I wasn't showing up as the mom I wanted to be and who my toddler needed.

So, in this post I want to set you free from the traditional parenting rules that you may still follow, but deep down you don't really want to.

4 common parenting rules it’s okay, in fact, powerful to break:

1. “You don’t need to explain yourself.”


Here’s the thing: toddlers are in a season of major brain development. The world is brand new to them. They need context. Explaining the why behind a boundary or decision helps them understand how life works and it helps them feel safe with you as the leader.

Saying “Because I said so” might feel easy and efficient in the moment, but over time, it teaches them that their curiosity and desire to understand isn't valued.

2. “Don’t let your child get upset.”


If you were raised in a home where tears were silenced, anger was punished, or you were told to “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about,” you already know: Repressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It just teaches us to hide them and carry them into adulthood.

Allowing your child to feel and express their emotions (even the loud, uncomfortable ones) is not permissiveness. It’s emotional mentorship. It says, “I can handle all of you. Your big feelings are safe with me.”

3. “Children should be seen and not heard.”


We need to be honest and accept that toddlers are loud. They are messy. They test boundaries and lose their shoes and ask so many questions. That’s not bad behavior, that’s development.

While it is our job to help them learn respect and awareness of others, expecting a toddler to sit quietly for three hours on a flight or whisper through a two hour dinner is not only unrealistic, its unfair.

4. “Your child always comes first.”


Of course we love our children, but martyrdom isn’t sustainable and it certainly isn’t modeling healthy boundaries.

When you’re exhausted or overstimulated, giving in to your child from that place isn’t love. It’s depletion. Your child needs a present mom, but when you're running on fumes you don't have the capacity to be present. So take the break. Eat the snack. Step outside and breathe.

When you prioritize your needs, you’re doing one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent: showing your child what self-respect, self-regulation, and self-love look like.

Ready to begin parenting from a place of calm, clarity, and confidence?


If you’re tired of feeling triggered, reactive, or guilt-ridden because you're following old rules that don't align with your values, you’re not alone. And the good news is, you don’t have to figure it out solo.

Inside the Parenting with Peace training, you’ll learn how to:


✔️Identify and address your parenting triggers,

✔️Hold boundaries with love (and without the yelling)


✔️Shift from reacting to calmly responding to challenging behaviors

It’s not about being a “perfect parent.”
 It’s about becoming a safe, steady one.

Grab the free training Here

How to Handle Challenging Toddler Behaviors with Calm and Clarity

Tired of Toddler Tantrums, Hitting, and Meltdowns?

If you’ve ever wished your toddler would just stop screaming about everything, stop hitting their siblings, or not lose it when their banana breaks, then keep reading.

These are the everyday struggles of raising toddlers, and while we know we need to let them feel their feelings, the truth is:

All emotions are okay, but not all behaviors are.

In this post, we’re diving into how you can help your toddler express big emotions in more appropriate ways. You’ll learn practical connection based parenting tips, how to set realistic expectations, and what to teach your toddler instead of just saying “stop that.”

Shift Your Mindset: Your Toddler’s Behavior Is a Message

One of the biggest parenting mindset shifts you can make is this:

Your toddler isn’t misbehaving on purpose.

Toddler behavior is a form of communication. When they’re overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, or overstimulated, their brains simply can’t manage those big feelings yet and it shows up in the form of whining, hitting, crying, or defiance.

Why This Matters:

The part of the brain responsible for impulse control (the prefrontal cortex) isn’t fully developed until our late 20s. That means toddlers literally cannot regulate their emotions the way we hope they would, yet.

So next time your toddler is acting out, pause and ask:

"What is my child trying to tell me?”

• Are they overtired?

• Overstimulated?

• Struggling with transitions?

• Craving your attention?

When you view their behavior as communication instead of defiance, you’ll respond with guidance instead of frustration.

What's Normal for Toddler Development?

Knowing what’s developmentally appropriate helps you set realistic expectations for your child’s behavior.

• Tantrums? Normal. Toddlers are still learning emotional regulation.

• Not sharing? Normal. They’re still developing social and empathy skills.

• Not listening? Also normal. Their brains are still learning how to process and act on multi-step instructions.

When we expect a toddler to behave like a mini-adult, we set ourselves up for stress, disappointment, and overreactions.

Common Parenting Reactions That Backfire

Out of frustration, many parents fall into strategies that don’t actually help long-term. Here’s what to watch out for:

❌ Yelling or Harsh Punishment

While it may stop the behavior in the moment, it teaches fear, not self-control. It doesn't teach your toddler how to act differently next time.

❌ Over-Explaining During a Meltdown

When your toddler is upset, their brain is in survival mode, not learning mode. Keep your language short and clear:

“Hitting isn’t okay. Let’s take a break.”

The detailed explanations can wait until everyone is calm.

❌ Ignoring Every Behavior

While some things can be safely ignored, ignoring behaviors like hitting or throwing sends the wrong message and allows the pattern to continue.

So What Actually Works to Improve Toddler Behavior?

✅ Teach and Practice Replacement Behaviors

Toddlers don’t automatically know better, they need to be taught what to do instead. This is something I practiced for years as a teacher and now as a mom. It works because it’s based on real learning, not fear.

Here are a few examples of teaching replacement behaviors:

• If your toddler hits when angry:
  Teach them to say, “I’m mad,” or “I need space.”

• If they whine for attention:
  Show them how to say, “Mommy, can you play with me?”

• If they throw toys:
  Say, “Let’s place it gently and say ‘I’m all done.’”

They won’t learn this overnight. But with consistent teaching and practice, these behaviors can become habits.

When to Teach New Toddler Skills

There are two key times to practice:

1. During Calm Moments

This is the best time to teach because their brain is in a learning state. During playtime, model behaviors and practice through pretend play. Toddlers are sponges, they learn best through repetition and observation.

2. In the Moment (with Calm Correction)

When misbehavior happens, use it as a quick teaching opportunity. For example, replace:

“Don’t hit the dog.” → “Use gentle hands with the dog. Like this…”

Then show them what gentle looks like and have them copy you.

Connection Based Parenting and Toddler Discipline

As a parenting educator, I believe discipline doesn’t have to be harsh to be effective. God calls us to lead with love, guidance, and grace, the same way He parents us.

Ephesians 6:4 reminds us:
“Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Your calm response becomes their example. And every time you teach with patience instead of punishment, you’re building a more connected, secure, and emotionally intelligent child.

Ready to Parent With More Calm and Confidence?

If you’re struggling with feeling triggered by your toddler’s behavior and find yourself reacting instead of responding, I’d love to support you.

🎉 Join my FREE 5-day RESET Challenge
You’ll learn how to:

• Recognize your own emotional triggers

• Stay calm in the heat of the moment

• Respond to tantrums with grace and confidence

• Create a home rooted in calm and connection

Sign up for the challenge here ✨RESET CHALLENGE✨

Breaking Down Reactive Parenting: Why You React and How to Stop

Hey friend, thanks for popping into my corner of the world!

In this post, I want to talk about what happens when you're stuck in a cycle of reactive parenting and not showing up as the calm, cool mom you truly desire to be.

Now, I know for a fact that you love your toddler and you'd do absolutely anything for them- but let’s be honest, some days it feels like you’re stuck in a loop of overwhelm, snapping, and guilt.

Whether you're running around the house trying to catch your toddler long enough to get them dressed or cleaning up yet another mess before you've even had your morning coffee, it can be hard to keep your cool in these moments, especially when you're experiencing a combination of daily stress, unmet needs, and a growing load of responsibilities.

I remember a day that made me realize that I needed to make a change in the way I handled stressful situations with my toddler.

One afternoon, I wanted her to clean up before lunch and I casually yelled across the room, “Lunch is ready, time to clean up”. After a while I didn’t hear anything, so I said it again.

Finally, I quickly walked over to my toddler and said loudly, “Why are you ignoring me?! It’s time to clean up, so you can eat!” The look on her face wasn’t defiant like I expected, it was scared and confused.

At that moment, I realized that yelling wasn’t solving anything, it was fueling a cycle that wasn’t working.

You may be going through the same experience. You want to be more patient with your toddler, but the demands and stressful moments keep piling up, and before you know it, you're reacting… again.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not stuck.

In this post, i'm going to unpack:
✨What reactive parenting is
✨How it shows up in the way you parent
✨How it affects your toddler’s behavior
✨How you can shift from reactivity to intentional connection-based parenting

What is Reactive Parenting?

Reactive parenting is when you respond to your child’s behavior with frustration instead of calm, thoughtful intention.

It often comes from a place of overwhelm- when you're depleted, dysregulated, or triggered by something your child says or does.

Reactive parenting occurs when your nervous system is essentially stuck in survival mode, automatically reacting to triggering experiences.

When your body enters a heightened state, your sympathetic nervous system activates, sending you into "fight or flight mode" causing you to react in the only way you know how in the moment to protect yourself.

While this is helpful in situations that are actually a threat to your safety, it's not necessary when you're with your toddler.

What Reactive Parenting Looks Like

Reacting to an upsetting behavior can sound like:
💥”Why do you always act like this?”
💥”Go to timeout!”
💥”I’ve had enough, I can’t deal with this right now!”

While these reactions may stop a behavior in the moment, they don’t teach long-term skills or support a healthy parent-child relationship.

Reactivity isn’t always loud. Depending on how you respond to stress, your reaction may look like:
•Yelling or using harsh tones
• Withdrawing emotionally from your child
• Punishing out of anger
• Taking your child’s behavior personally
• Feeling overstimulated and needing to “escape”
• Feeling guilty after the fact, but unsure how to respond differently next time

When your nervous system goes into survival mode and your brain is just trying to cope, it's hard to respond with empathy or intention.

The Adverse Effects of Reactive Parenting on Toddler Behavior

Toddlers are in a critical stage of brain and emotional development. They need connection, co-regulation, and consistent guidance to feel safe and grow into emotionally secure children.

But when they consistently experience reactive parenting, it can lead to:
→Increased tantrums: because their emotional needs aren’t being met
→Confusion or fear: especially when discipline feels unpredictable or harsh
→Mimicking aggressive or reactive behavior: toddlers often repeat what they see
→Disconnection: leading to power struggles and attention seeking behaviors
→Emotional dysregulation: they don’t yet know how to calm themselves, and if we can’t model calm, they have no guide

Your child’s behavior isn’t the problem, it’s a signal.

When you emotionally react to your toddler, you miss the opportunity to respond with understanding, model emotion regulation, and teach more appropriate behaviors.

How Moms Stay Stuck in a Cycle of Frustration and Guilt

At first, you may not notice that you're stuck in a cycle of reactivity. You may think that you just need some sleep or a break, but even when you receive it, you find it hard to relax.

When your stuck in a cycle of reactivity, you may experience:
1. Your toddler meltdown or misbehave.
2. You react out of frustration- maybe you yell, shut down, or punish out of anger.
3. You feel immediate guilt. “That’s not how I wanted to respond.”
4. You promise to do better tomorrow.
5. The same triggers come up again… and the cycle repeats.

Over time, this cycle drains your confidence and leaves you feeling like a failure. But mama, I want you to hear this:

You're not a bad mom. You're a triggered one. And triggered moms need tools, not shame.

There’s a Better Way!

You may be wondering, “So, how do I actually change the way I handle the daily tantrums, whining, and defiance?” You develop the skills to respond, which requires the ability to pause and regulate your own nervous system, so that you can access the logical part of your brain and parent with clarity and intention.

Now, if you're wondering how to develop those skills, I host a 5 day challenge that walks you through my RESET Method and gives you the steps to break free from the cycle of reactivity with a proven process to regulate your emotions and respond to your toddler with clarity- even in the toughest moments.

During the challenge, you’ll:
→ Uncover the root of your parenting triggers.
→ Learn practical tools to regulate your emotions and respond to your toddler with clarity.
→ Receive daily action steps to help you put the method into practice.

Motherhood doesn't have to be a daily cycle of chaos and guilt.

You can raise your child without yelling.
You can discipline with patience and connection.
You can model emotional health for your children, even on the hard days.
And you don’t have to do it alone.

When you change, everything in your home starts to shift.

Learn more about the RESET CHALLENGE here

4 Steps to Calmly Manage Toddler Tantrums

Tantrums are a big challenge for parents during the early years. When your little one is laid out on the floor of the grocery store bawling their eyes out or melting down at bedtime, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or even helpless. It’s also natural because you’re human. Tantrums are an inconvenience, that’s just the truth, but they’re also a normal part of toddler development.

Tantrums happen because toddlers have big emotions, underdeveloped self-regulation skills, and limited ways to communicate their needs. Our job as parents is to guide them through these moments with calm and connection, helping them build the skills they need to manage their emotions in the future. Below I share a simple five-step process to help you navigate tantrums with confidence and patience.

1. Regulate Yourself First

Before you try to calm your toddler, you need to check in with yourself. Your child takes their cues from you, and if you’re dysregulated, it will only escalate the situation. You need to model the process of emotion regulation, so that you can respond to your toddler with patience and transfer you calm to them through co-regulation.

2. Co-Regulate

Once you’re calm, you can support your toddler in regulating their emotions. Through co-regulation, you help your toddler return to a regulated state by transfering your calm to them. This process helps children develop self-regulation skills.

Some ways to co-regulate:

• Get down to their level and speak in a calm, reassuring tone.

• Acknowledge & label their feelings: “I see you’re really upset right now

• Offer physical comfort if they are open to it: a hug, hand on their back, or simply being near them.

• Use simple, soothing phrases: “I’m here. It's ok.”

3. Meet the Underlying Need

There is always an underlying cause and a need that your toddler is trying to communicate. Once you understand what the need is, you can address it appropriately.

Some needs beneath the tantrum:

• Hunger – Is it close to mealtime? Have they had a snack recently?

• Fatigue – Is it past their nap or bedtime?

• Overstimulation – Is the environment too loud, busy, or overwhelming?

• A need for autonomy – Are they resisting because they want to feel in control?

• Frustration from underdeveloped language skills – Do they lack the words to express their needs?

4. Make a Plan

After the tantrum has passed, it’s time to think ahead. How can you be intentional and decrease the frequency of these tantrums that occuring? Your approach will vary based on your child’s age and stage of development.

• For young toddlers (under 2.5 years): Focus on proactive strategies to decrease the behavior and set your child up for success. This might mean adjusting routines, creating more moments throughout the day connection, offering more choices, or teaching simple coping strategies like deep breaths outside of stressful moments.

• For older toddlers (2.5+ years): Once everyone is calm, include your toddler in the planning process by revisiting the situation. Calmly set a clear boundary for how to appropriately express their needs and collaborate on a solution. Encourage your toddler to be part of the problem-solving process to help them learn and grow. By making a plan, you empower your toddler with the tools they need to handle similar situations in the future.                

Parenting isn’t about eliminating tantrums altogether (because they will happen), but about reducing their intensity and frequency over time. The more you prioritize connection, emotional regulation, and problem-solving, the better equipped your child will be to manage big emotions. Tantrums can feel overwhelming, but when you approach them with patience and grace, they become powerful teaching moments.

Next time your toddler has a tantrum, remember:
✔️ Regulate yourself first.
✔️ Co-regulate.
✔️ Identify and meet the underlying need.
✔️ Make a plan for next time.

Do you struggle with staying calm during tantrums? Sign up for the free 5 day Mom RESET Challenge. During the challenge you'll learn how to:

👉🏾Pause before reacting so you don’t yell out of frustration
👉🏾Identify your triggers and emotions before they take over
👉🏾Use simple techniques to regulate your emotions in the moment
👉🏾Discipline in a way that teaches, not punishes

You can sign up for the challenge here ➡️ Mom RESET