How to Handle Challenging Toddler Behaviors with Calm and Clarity

May 31

Tired of Toddler Tantrums, Hitting, and Meltdowns?

If you’ve ever wished your toddler would just stop screaming about everything, stop hitting their siblings, or not lose it when their banana breaks, then keep reading.

These are the everyday struggles of raising toddlers, and while we know we need to let them feel their feelings, the truth is:

All emotions are okay, but not all behaviors are.

In this post, we’re diving into how you can help your toddler express big emotions in more appropriate ways. You’ll learn practical connection based parenting tips, how to set realistic expectations, and what to teach your toddler instead of just saying “stop that.”

Shift Your Mindset: Your Toddler’s Behavior Is a Message

One of the biggest parenting mindset shifts you can make is this:

Your toddler isn’t misbehaving on purpose.

Toddler behavior is a form of communication. When they’re overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, or overstimulated, their brains simply can’t manage those big feelings yet and it shows up in the form of whining, hitting, crying, or defiance.

Why This Matters:

The part of the brain responsible for impulse control (the prefrontal cortex) isn’t fully developed until our late 20s. That means toddlers literally cannot regulate their emotions the way we hope they would, yet.

So next time your toddler is acting out, pause and ask:

"What is my child trying to tell me?”

Are they overtired?
Overstimulated?
Struggling with transitions?
Craving your attention?

When you view their behavior as communication instead of defiance, you’ll respond with guidance instead of frustration.

**What's Normal for Toddler Development?**

Knowing what’s developmentally appropriate helps you set realistic expectations for your child’s behavior.

Tantrums? Normal. Toddlers are still learning emotional regulation.
Not sharing? Normal. They’re still developing social and empathy skills.
Not listening? Also normal. Their brains are still learning how to process and act on multi-step instructions.

When we expect a toddler to behave like a mini-adult, we set ourselves up for stress, disappointment, and overreactions.

Common Parenting Reactions That Backfire

Out of frustration, many parents fall into strategies that don’t actually help long-term. Here’s what to watch out for:

❌ Yelling or Harsh Punishment

While it may stop the behavior in the moment, it teaches fear, not self-control. It doesn't teach your toddler how to act differently next time.

❌ Over-Explaining During a Meltdown

When your toddler is upset, their brain is in survival mode, not learning mode. Keep your language short and clear:

“Hitting isn’t okay. Let’s take a break.”

The detailed explanations can wait until everyone is calm.

❌ Ignoring Every Behavior

While some things can be safely ignored, ignoring behaviors like hitting or throwing sends the wrong message and allows the pattern to continue.

So What Actually Works to Improve Toddler Behavior?

✅ Teach and Practice Replacement Behaviors

Toddlers don’t automatically know better, they need to be taught what to do instead. This is something I practiced for years as a teacher and now as a mom. It works because it’s based on real learning, not fear.

Here are a few examples of teaching replacement behaviors:

If your toddler hits when angry:
Teach them to say, “I’m mad,” or “I need space.”
If they whine for attention:
Show them how to say, “Mommy, can you play with me?”
If they throw toys:
Say, “Let’s place it gently and say ‘I’m all done.’”

They won’t learn this overnight. But with consistent teaching and practice, these behaviors can become habits.

When to Teach New Toddler Skills

There are two key times to practice:

1. During Calm Moments

This is the best time to teach because their brain is in a learning state. During playtime, model behaviors and practice through pretend play. Toddlers are sponges, they learn best through repetition and observation.

2. In the Moment (with Calm Correction)

When misbehavior happens, use it as a quick teaching opportunity. For example, replace:

“Don’t hit the dog.” → “Use gentle hands with the dog. Like this…”

Then show them what gentle looks like and have them copy you.

Connection Based Parenting and Toddler Discipline

As a parenting educator, I believe discipline doesn’t have to be harsh to be effective. God calls us to lead with love, guidance, and grace, the same way He parents us.

Ephesians 6:4 reminds us:
“Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Your calm response becomes their example. And every time you teach with patience instead of punishment, you’re building a more connected, secure, and emotionally intelligent child.

Ready to Parent With More Calm and Confidence?

If you’re struggling with feeling triggered by your toddler’s behavior and find yourself reacting instead of responding, I’d love to support you.

🎉 Join my FREE 5-day RESET Challenge
You’ll learn how to:

Recognize your own emotional triggers
Stay calm in the heat of the moment
Respond to tantrums with grace and confidence
Create a home rooted in calm and connection

Julanna .