Breaking Down Reactive Parenting: Why You React and How to Stop
Hey friend, thanks for popping into my corner of the world!
In this post, I want to talk about what happens when you're stuck in a cycle of reactive parenting and not showing up as the calm, cool mom you truly desire to be.
Now, I know for a fact that you love your toddler and you'd do absolutely anything for them- but let’s be honest, some days it feels like you’re stuck in a loop of overwhelm, snapping, and guilt.
Whether you're running around the house trying to catch your toddler long enough to get them dressed or cleaning up yet another mess before you've even had your morning coffee, it can be hard to keep your cool in these moments, especially when you're experiencing a combination of daily stress, unmet needs, and a growing load of responsibilities.
I remember a day that made me realize that I needed to make a change in the way I handled stressful situations with my toddler.
One afternoon, I wanted her to clean up before lunch and I casually yelled across the room, “Lunch is ready, time to clean up”. After a while I didn’t hear anything, so I said it again.
Finally, I quickly walked over to my toddler and said loudly, “Why are you ignoring me?! It’s time to clean up, so you can eat!” The look on her face wasn’t defiant like I expected, it was scared and confused.
At that moment, I realized that yelling wasn’t solving anything, it was fueling a cycle that wasn’t working.
You may be going through the same experience. You want to be more patient with your toddler, but the demands and stressful moments keep piling up, and before you know it, you're reacting… again.
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not stuck.
In this post, i'm going to unpack:
✨What reactive parenting is
✨How it shows up in the way you parent
✨How it affects your toddler’s behavior
✨How you can shift from reactivity to intentional connection-based parenting
What is Reactive Parenting?
Reactive parenting is when you respond to your child’s behavior with frustration instead of calm, thoughtful intention.
It often comes from a place of overwhelm- when you're depleted, dysregulated, or triggered by something your child says or does.
Reactive parenting occurs when your nervous system is essentially stuck in survival mode, automatically reacting to triggering experiences.
When your body enters a heightened state, your sympathetic nervous system activates, sending you into "fight or flight mode" causing you to react in the only way you know how in the moment to protect yourself.
While this is helpful in situations that are actually a threat to your safety, it's not necessary when you're with your toddler.
What Reactive Parenting Looks Like
Reacting to an upsetting behavior can sound like:
💥”Why do you always act like this?”
💥”Go to timeout!”
💥”I’ve had enough, I can’t deal with this right now!”
While these reactions may stop a behavior in the moment, they don’t teach long-term skills or support a healthy parent-child relationship.
Reactivity isn’t always loud. Depending on how you respond to stress, your reaction may look like:
•Yelling or using harsh tones
• Withdrawing emotionally from your child
• Punishing out of anger
• Taking your child’s behavior personally
• Feeling overstimulated and needing to “escape”
• Feeling guilty after the fact, but unsure how to respond differently next time
When your nervous system goes into survival mode and your brain is just trying to cope, it's hard to respond with empathy or intention.
The Adverse Effects of Reactive Parenting on Toddler Behavior
Toddlers are in a critical stage of brain and emotional development. They need connection, co-regulation, and consistent guidance to feel safe and grow into emotionally secure children.
But when they consistently experience reactive parenting, it can lead to:
→Increased tantrums: because their emotional needs aren’t being met
→Confusion or fear: especially when discipline feels unpredictable or harsh
→Mimicking aggressive or reactive behavior: toddlers often repeat what they see
→Disconnection: leading to power struggles and attention seeking behaviors
→Emotional dysregulation: they don’t yet know how to calm themselves, and if we can’t model calm, they have no guide
Your child’s behavior isn’t the problem, it’s a signal.
When you emotionally react to your toddler, you miss the opportunity to respond with understanding, model emotion regulation, and teach more appropriate behaviors.
How Moms Stay Stuck in a Cycle of Frustration and Guilt
At first, you may not notice that you're stuck in a cycle of reactivity. You may think that you just need some sleep or a break, but even when you receive it, you find it hard to relax.
When your stuck in a cycle of reactivity, you may experience:
1. Your toddler meltdown or misbehave.
2. You react out of frustration- maybe you yell, shut down, or punish out of anger.
3. You feel immediate guilt. “That’s not how I wanted to respond.”
4. You promise to do better tomorrow.
5. The same triggers come up again… and the cycle repeats.
Over time, this cycle drains your confidence and leaves you feeling like a failure. But mama, I want you to hear this:
You're not a bad mom. You're a triggered one. And triggered moms need tools, not shame.
There’s a Better Way!
You may be wondering, “So, how do I actually change the way I handle the daily tantrums, whining, and defiance?” You develop the skills to respond, which requires the ability to pause and regulate your own nervous system, so that you can access the logical part of your brain and parent with clarity and intention.
Now, if you're wondering how to develop those skills, I host a 5 day challenge that walks you through my RESET Method and gives you the steps to break free from the cycle of reactivity with a proven process to regulate your emotions and respond to your toddler with clarity- even in the toughest moments.
During the challenge, you’ll:
→ Uncover the root of your parenting triggers.
→ Learn practical tools to regulate your emotions and respond to your toddler with clarity.
→ Receive daily action steps to help you put the method into practice.
Motherhood doesn't have to be a daily cycle of chaos and guilt.
You can raise your child without yelling.
You can discipline with patience and connection.
You can model emotional health for your children, even on the hard days.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
When you change, everything in your home starts to shift.
